Art Jargon Decipherer Gifts

Caution: Wet Paint

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

"My report to the board was perfect. They did not understand a word of it and now think I'm smarter than them."

"Our detractors call it suburban sprawl, but I prefer thinking of our plan as 'sustainable over-development!'"

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'

"This is what we call a 'customer', or more accurately a 'potential profit centre.'"

"My resume is concise, succinct and eloquently worded. I only hope they know what I'm talking about."

'At this juncture in my presentation, I'd like to dispense with the illusion of coherence.'

'Here you are, Simmons!'

'Instead of cubicles, we call them interconnected productivity centres.'

"I propose the next person who says 'it is what it is,' we beat the living hell out of him."

Leonore from Fidelio

"I liked it better when you used gobbledygook."

"I hear you've got quite a reputation with the girls around the office."

"Come to my office. I need to cascade with you offline."

"Mr. Thomaston's people are here to talk to your people."

'If we are to reorientate our forward facing rhetorical platform we must rephrase our message to cross fertilise the core message..holistically!'

"Look at this - we're trying to merge with some of our acquisitions, and we're trying to acquire some of our mergers."

"As your new CEO, I hereby change 'deadline' to 'soft squiggle.'"

'But it didn't cost anything, dear! I did it all off balance-sheet!'

'It has everything... I love it!'

"Can you believe those guys? We tell them absolutely, positively no further negotiations, and they stop negotiating!"

Developing links within business.

'I got my foot in the door...at a price!'

'No Farnsworth, I'm not firing you. I'm enhancing your advancement opportunities.'

"No Jenkins, that's NOT a sales graph - it's my salary increase."

"And that was just your sudoku chart."

Dan tells me you're an architect. That is so cool! Thanks! Cloud architect, actually.