Art Decipherers Gifts

"No, it's not by Jackson Pollock, it's actually a Rembrandt. This gallery just has really inattentive security attendants.

* For latent content, see your psychiatrist.

'Are you sure this is authentic ancient Indian art?'

"I believe it was called 'cursive'."

Madame ZuZu. Dream Interpretation. Tarot. Palms. She says the dream where I'm taking a test naked means I barely made it through school.

'At this juncture in my presentation, I'd like to dispense with the illusion of coherence.'

'Here you are, Simmons!'

"And here is the very stone that finally enabled us to figure out what all those dogs and cats were saying."

Jerry's 'culture-vulture' persona was plunged into jeopardy when he mistook a light switch for a modern art installation.

Infographics: the early years.

Art Plagiarism

There are dreams...And then there's reality...

By the year 2500, 1 in 10 academics will devote their entire career to divining the meaning of the word 'sussudio'.

Don't forget to read the small print.

'...Contains Phixe-knide, TBHQ, hydro-cla, Cyklid, Yetfopnmide - and other unpronounceable stuff.' (grocery store)

"And that was just your sudoku chart."

IKEA Book

"No Jenkins, that's NOT a sales graph - it's my salary increase."

'There's been a change in my recurring nightmare. I'm no longer falling . . . my credit rating is.'

"What part of oil lamp next to double squiggle over ox don't you understand?"

I've been having very strange dreams lately, but they're no match for how bizarre waking hours life has seemed.

"I'm here because my vision is getting so bad I can't even see clearly in my dreams at night!"

'I dreamed I was flying and I had airline food.'

Percentage artwork

'Right there is where he departs from the script.'

"You'll be working entirely on commission. We were kidding about the salary."

Work related problems for Madame Tussaud

Dr. Harper had a special eye exam chart made for hieroglyphics professor patient.

Trumped by Semniotics

Today, this humble feature attempts to answer one of the great quandaries of modern times. Is it Louie Louie, oh baby, my hair gotta grow? Wrong! What are the lyrics to the Kingsman's Louie Louie?* *Must be gleaned by listening. No peeking on the internet!

"I'm not sure she really liked our gift. She used just two exclamation points after 'Thanks'."

'...we were able to hide some rather significant losses.'

'Well, I just met the girl of my dreams -- you know, the kind you have when you eat anchovy pizza right before bed.'

"There you go kid. If you have a monster he can't get out now."

'Prophetic dream, no chance! You lying on a plate, surrounded by vegetables? That can only be symbolic.'