Jargon Decoders Gifts

'I was on the wall for the whole meeting, but I just couldn't follow all the jargon.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"We need a best practice swim lane to leverage our core competency, move the needle outside the box, and open the kimono while keeping our ducks in a row. Can anyone give me a sustainable solution to more vertical effectiveness without getting too granula

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

"My report to the board was perfect. They did not understand a word of it and now think I'm smarter than them."

"We have an acronym!"

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

A Bloody Butcher

"It's time to retire the word 'profit'."

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

'Would everyone please phrase their questions in ones and zeros please.'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

"...our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done!"

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

"There's a conversation to be had around a piece of work I'd like us to do tonight."

'Sorry to interrupt Dixon - but this is not what I meant when I said this company needed more blue-sky thinking!'

"Let me put it this way: I'm hitting 'Unlike' and 'Unhire.'"

"It's a swearbox."

"We owe our success to teamwork. Without it we could never have grasped at so many straws."

"We're to stop talking about 'budget cuts'. Apparently it's depressing for staff and clients..."

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

"Abbreviations here, abbreviations there, and one is more incomprehensible than the next!"

"I do like you, Peter, but interfacing is a very serious step."

"I'll start thinking outside the box when the box is empty."

Harris, our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done.

'I was headhunted.'

'I'm very worried that if we fail to introduce rigid protocols to maximise client gratification indices within acceptable costbenefit parameters to ensure enhanced margins...then we'll have missed the whole point of what Christmas is about!!!'

"Remember, when they go low... we observe shareholder value and act accordingly."

"The subaqueous qualities of the biomorphic forms spacially undermine the larger metaphorical resonance of the mark-making."

'All my venture capital is tied up in Miss Umpley, there.'