Jargon Translator Gifts

More of what people often say (and what they really mean)

"The company is experiencing communication problems with some colleagues, they don't understand managementspeak."

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"We need a best practice swim lane to leverage our core competency, move the needle outside the box, and open the kimono while keeping our ducks in a row. Can anyone give me a sustainable solution to more vertical effectiveness without getting too granula

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

"My report to the board was perfect. They did not understand a word of it and now think I'm smarter than them."

"We have an acronym!"

A Bloody Butcher

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

"It's time to retire the word 'profit'."

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

'Would everyone please phrase their questions in ones and zeros please.'

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

"...our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done!"

"This is what we call a 'customer', or more accurately a 'potential profit centre.'"

"It's a swearbox."

'Sorry to interrupt Dixon - but this is not what I meant when I said this company needed more blue-sky thinking!'

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

"There's a conversation to be had around a piece of work I'd like us to do tonight."

"We owe our success to teamwork. Without it we could never have grasped at so many straws."

"We're to stop talking about 'budget cuts'. Apparently it's depressing for staff and clients..."

"Abbreviations here, abbreviations there, and one is more incomprehensible than the next!"

"I do like you, Peter, but interfacing is a very serious step."

Bee to bee: 'We used buzzwords before they were trendy.'

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

"I'll start thinking outside the box when the box is empty."

Harris, our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done.

'I was headhunted.'

'I'm very worried that if we fail to introduce rigid protocols to maximise client gratification indices within acceptable costbenefit parameters to ensure enhanced margins...then we'll have missed the whole point of what Christmas is about!!!'

"Remember, when they go low... we observe shareholder value and act accordingly."

"The subaqueous qualities of the biomorphic forms spacially undermine the larger metaphorical resonance of the mark-making."