Jailhouse Pundit Gifts

"Basically, a letter to the editor got out of hand."

Shakespeare in the clink

Prison Romance.

Prisoner Crossing

"The governor is considering your petition. He has one question: did you vote for him the last election?"

I was able to get you a 2-book deal.

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

Yeah, yeah, yeah, framed by the cat - that's what we all say.

'I'm here for jumping my bond... Bail bond.'

'Well, you're not acting like you have every confidence in me.'

'I was on 'AMERICA'S MOST WANTED', captured on 'COPS', tried on 'COURT TV' and sentenced to 10 years of basic cable.'

'I was innocent until proven guilty, which took about fifteen minutes.'

'Look on the bright side. You haven't paid a penny in tax since you've been here.'

'The Not so Great Escape.'

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

"Sorry I'm late, I had to do jail time."

At least you have security!

'My first counterfeit dollar.'

'True, you've been assigned a nobody lawyer but you're a nobody criminal!'

'It's for you.'

Cartoonist draws bomb next to prisoner.

'She kept asking me to say what was on my mind so I did. She told her analyst and then the FBI.'

'When I said 'I'm breaking out,' I meant that the food here is messing with my acne.'

'I got life plus three hundred years...I won't be eligible for parole for six months...'

''Stole a Smart Car. It picked me out of a lineup.'

'I've been a burglar, a blackmailer, a mugger, and an armed robber, but by gosh I've never been a LAWYER!'

"Apparently it's OK to clone sheep but not hundred-dollar bills"

'Never take the stand in your own defense. The judge can reach you with the gavel.'

"I found your contact lens."

"See you later. Do you want the door closed?'

"Just came back to pick up my mail."

"Hey, this reminds me of camp when I was a kid! I won't bore you with all the stories! Well, ok. . . there was this one time. . ."

"I've got him! I've got him!...Now what?"

'When I get out, I'm going straight!'

'If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times -- Bank robbers don't need business cards!'