Irs Auditor Gifts

'I haven't found anything wrong with your books yet, but it's OK for you to go ahead and worry a bit longer.'

"And if she doesn't file?"

"Even if you and your friends do drink to each other's health, you can't use your bar tab for a medical expense."

I've figured out why Vladimir Putin is so belligerent toward us. It's his last name. In the west, it's been the subject of jokes for decades. A thing like that would make anyone cranky and hostile, and eager to punish anyone who doesn't take them seriously. Good point. I remember in grade school, there was a kid named "Ima Stinkbottom." She became an IRS auditor. I rest my case.

'I learn a lot at these social events. I'm an I.R.S. Auditor.'

'You really should see a therapist about your pathological possessiveness, Mr. Pomeroy.'

'All these stupid forms! -- You self-employed guys make me sick!'

'You really should see a therapist about your pathological possessiveness, Mr. Pomeroy.'

"Son, 'Law of the Jungle' means that the tax authority guys are the predators and your dad is the prey."

"The IRS auditor is here, a Mr. Torquemada."

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

ACME INDUSTRIES NEW PRODUCTS DIVISION, 'The best part is, it can repossess itself!'

'Actually, accounting is an exact science.'

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

In and Out Tray

'Plimbco Bank &Trust, Old Money Division.'

'Not bad, Ms. Newborn. But take another crack at it, and this time remember that 'earnings-per-share' is the alter upon which all other numbers are sacrificed.'

'You have to reconcile your gross habits with your net income.'

"Just remember if we don't enjoy it we can claim it as a tax-deductible business meeting..."

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

Businessman sees door sign 'Department of Mismanagement and Overbudget'.

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

Stock market investment advice

"Might you explain to me how your division managed to spend twenty-six thousand dollars on tennis balls?"

The transparent safe box of Panama

'I think I must be ambidextrous. I can calculate interest with both sides of my brain.'

Money laundering - shows money flowing out of US vault.