Irs Agent Gifts

'The hair-raising twists and turns, the mystery, numbing assault on the mind...THAT'S why I love tax law!'

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

'You didn't think you could get away from us that easily, did you?'

'Nice try, but you can't deduct your bartender as your 'drinking consultant.''

"Now are you convinced that the tax simplification plan will work?"

'You know, you're even starting to scare me...'

'I sympathize with your wife having multiple personality disorder, but you can't claim each one as a dependent."

'Congress presented its report on simplifying the tax code today - it's 4,385 pages long.'

'The dog ate my tax receipts...'

"You can't be serious about all these travel expenses in December!"

'Our goal is to eliminate tax loopholes... so from now on they'll be called donut holes.'

"I can't imagine how things could get any worse."

'So much for the luck of the Irish!'

'This is all very clever, Mr. Quigley, but there was a court ruling years ago that marriages can't be classified as non-profit organizations.'

'Okay... now everyone smile and say: 'that;s not deductible'.'

'Do away with all the tax loopholes you want, but don't mess with my entitlements!'

"Remember, you no longer work for the private sector. In the public sector, the customer is never right."

Best friends: death and taxes.

'First the good news...since you earn under $400,000, you won't have to pay the millionaire's tax.'

"If that income is personal, why do I have to tell you about it"?

Game shows for I.R.S. agents.

'About this deduction for robbing the rich and giving it to the poor...'

IRS agent saying 'And now, let's review your self-employment schedule C form...'

'Taxed to death. How about you.'

'No, I wouldn't like a mint, and do you know what the penalty is for attempted bribery of a Federal agent?'

Tipping the I.R.S.

"It's not enough to write 'Megabucks' on your return, Mr. Clacton. You're supposed to tell us how many."

"That's your explanation - Russian hackers?"

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

'You want some protection money? Oh, thank God. For a moment there I thought you were from the Inland Revenue.'

IRS: 'Let's freeze those who die owing taxes...thaw them out when a cure is found.'

'Nice touch, but we don't have any openings in the auditing department.'

"Now let's talk about fines and penalties."

IRS 'We'll have one long form, one short form, and one just-right form.'

"He's hit, and he's hurt. Now we'll follow his audit trial and finish him off."