Auditors Gifts

The Corporate Trust: 'Since we have an agreement of transparency with the feds, I don't need to remind all of you that this meeting never happened.'

'This one is by our 'creative accounting' department.'

"These numbers are way off. But I do like them better than the auditor's numbers."

'I'm doing 30 days for fiddling my expenses.'

"He definitely loves auditing our treasures: He'll make a good accountant later on..."

'I'm here about the tax credits for business equipment which you listed in your return as 'Betty', 'Mabel', 'Liz'...'

The classic 'large scale corporate raider' eventually, they end up catching themselves!!

'I don't argue that you have a strong case and normally we would want to offer you the services of a support worker. . . but we just don't have the staff!'

'When did you put your robots on the payroll?'

"Ok, we'll begin by going over the P/L statement line by line."

"Glad to see you Hotchkins... Abernathy must have been the company embezzler!"

"I only have two apps on my phone. One makes me spend all my money and the other gives me embezzling tips."

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

ACME INDUSTRIES NEW PRODUCTS DIVISION, 'The best part is, it can repossess itself!'

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

'Actually, accounting is an exact science.'

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

'Plimbco Bank &Trust, Old Money Division.'

In and Out Tray

'Not bad, Ms. Newborn. But take another crack at it, and this time remember that 'earnings-per-share' is the alter upon which all other numbers are sacrificed.'

'You have to reconcile your gross habits with your net income.'

"Just remember if we don't enjoy it we can claim it as a tax-deductible business meeting..."

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

Businessman sees door sign 'Department of Mismanagement and Overbudget'.

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

Stock market investment advice

"Might you explain to me how your division managed to spend twenty-six thousand dollars on tennis balls?"

The transparent safe box of Panama