Being Audited Gifts

'I may feel like a million bucks, but after taxes I look like two dollars and fifteen cents.'

"That's your explanation - Russian hackers?"

IRS. I did my taxes wrong and now I'm being penalized! I couldn't understand the instructions --- it was so confusing! That's why they call it a "tax code."

"I'll be with you in a minute, sir - Just have a seat and don't make any funny moves."

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'They all want to play the star.'

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

ACME INDUSTRIES NEW PRODUCTS DIVISION, 'The best part is, it can repossess itself!'

'Actually, accounting is an exact science.'

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

'Plimbco Bank &Trust, Old Money Division.'

In and Out Tray

'Not bad, Ms. Newborn. But take another crack at it, and this time remember that 'earnings-per-share' is the alter upon which all other numbers are sacrificed.'

'You have to reconcile your gross habits with your net income.'

"Just remember if we don't enjoy it we can claim it as a tax-deductible business meeting..."

Businessman sees door sign 'Department of Mismanagement and Overbudget'.

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

Stock market investment advice

'I think I must be ambidextrous. I can calculate interest with both sides of my brain.'

"Might you explain to me how your division managed to spend twenty-six thousand dollars on tennis balls?"

The transparent safe box of Panama

Money laundering - shows money flowing out of US vault.

"Next time be more careful where you put the decimal point!"

Department of efficiency and cost analysis.

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

'Here, we started to be investigated...'

'The question is - to what level of data do we wish to stoop.'