Irs Audit Experience Gifts

'Excellent! Our tests confirm that the average shareholder falls asleep by page 9 of the 10-K. Place the notice of the IRS audit on page 10.'

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

'As the government sees it, the U.S. budget would be fine if more deficit earners like you, Mr. Wald, go on the ball!'

IRS Audits. Do you have tax records? No, I pay about the same as most people.

"You really clean up on these mileage deductions, don't you."

IRS Audit Section

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

"For this job, we require someone with excellent multi-taxing skills."

"I can't imagine how things could get any worse."

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

"You may think the government is a big 'Giveaway' program, but you can't deduct your tax as a charitable contribution."

IRS: The country is broke, but your taxes cannot be construed as 'Charity to the Poor'.

IRS, 'I think we should audit this one, sir -- his signature looks shaky.'

National Liberty and Tax Codes.

IRS, 'It might make you feel better if you just think of it as a negative entitlement.'

'Oh great, now I have to render unto Caesar, too.'

Tax Collector

IRS agent to professor scrutinizing tax return under microscope: 'Still looking for that tax loophole, professor?'

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

You want an extension? Good heavens, man, we haven't even paid for Reagans boondoggles yet!

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

'Watch what you admit to. He once tried to fine one of my clients for looking a gift horse in the mouth.'

"Goodness, grandma. What big deposits you made in offshore accounts without declaring it."

"Well, if it's a fairy story you want, here's a good one that arrived at the office today."

"You can't be serious about all these travel expenses in December!"

'Okay... now everyone smile and say: 'that;s not deductible'.'

"If that income is personal, why do I have to tell you about it"?

'I know a lot of folks get us confused, but I'm actually taxes!'

IRS. April 15th is the deadlie for filing your return, not a "best if used by" date.

Please be seated. A jack booted government thug will be with you shortly.

'I feel I owe a lot to my country.' - 'So, you haven't paid your income tax again.'