Irs Audit Gifts

Tax grab.

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

'Honestly Bob, it's not that bad. If you can make as much next year as you did this year you'll be able to pay off your outstanding taxes for last year. That'll just leave the interest, the tax for this year and... my fees.'

'As the government sees it, the U.S. budget would be fine if more deficit earners like you, Mr. Wald, go on the ball!'

'I'd put it on the back burner, but the stove's been repossessed.'

"Seriously, do you expect us to believe you put on 143 feet a day in business travel?"

"For this job, we require someone with excellent multi-taxing skills."

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

The IRS emptied my pouch.

Counting dollars

"You really clean up on these mileage deductions, don't you."

"I can't imagine how things could get any worse."

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

IRS: The country is broke, but your taxes cannot be construed as 'Charity to the Poor'.

"You may think the government is a big 'Giveaway' program, but you can't deduct your tax as a charitable contribution."

IRS, 'I think we should audit this one, sir -- his signature looks shaky.'

National Liberty and Tax Codes.

IRS agent to professor scrutinizing tax return under microscope: 'Still looking for that tax loophole, professor?'

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

IRS, 'It might make you feel better if you just think of it as a negative entitlement.'

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

'How do you expect the Government to bail you out of your financial crisis if you don't pay your taxes?'

"Well, if it's a fairy story you want, here's a good one that arrived at the office today."

'Oh great, now I have to render unto Caesar, too.'

Tax Collector

You want an extension? Good heavens, man, we haven't even paid for Reagans boondoggles yet!

'Watch what you admit to. He once tried to fine one of my clients for looking a gift horse in the mouth.'

'There it is! I've isolated the origin of the firm's demise.'

"You can't be serious about all these travel expenses in December!"

'Okay... now everyone smile and say: 'that;s not deductible'.'

"If that income is personal, why do I have to tell you about it"?