Tax Audits Gifts

'According to my figures, you don't need an accountant, you need a lawyer!'

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

Flat tax - equal burden?

'Honestly Bob, it's not that bad. If you can make as much next year as you did this year you'll be able to pay off your outstanding taxes for last year. That'll just leave the interest, the tax for this year and... my fees.'

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

Panama Papers Scandal

'Are you ready for your FISCAL examination?'

'I'd put it on the back burner, but the stove's been repossessed.'

"Seriously, do you expect us to believe you put on 143 feet a day in business travel?"

"Saving Lois Lane a dozen times doesn't mean you can claim her as a dependent on your taxes."

Counting dollars

IRS Audit Section

"It only made sense for us to finally merge."

The IRS emptied my pouch.

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

'Hang on, I've just found another one. It must've fallen down behind the coffee machine.'

"Other folks have to pay taxes, too, Mr. Herndon, so would you please spare us the dramatics!"

"Whadya know, we're being audited."

You want an extension? Good heavens, man, we haven't even paid for Reagans boondoggles yet!

IRS agent to professor scrutinizing tax return under microscope: 'Still looking for that tax loophole, professor?'

Tax Collector

"Well, if it's a fairy story you want, here's a good one that arrived at the office today."

IRS, 'It might make you feel better if you just think of it as a negative entitlement.'

'He's trying to persuade the Inland Revenue that it's a tax haven.'

'How do you expect the Government to bail you out of your financial crisis if you don't pay your taxes?'

'You think he overheard my last lecture on tax code revision?'

'Watch what you admit to. He once tried to fine one of my clients for looking a gift horse in the mouth.'

'There it is! I've isolated the origin of the firm's demise.'

'Do you honestly expect me to believe that fairy tale?

'Will you bring in Mr.Harris' file - you'll find it under 'U' for unbelievable.'

I've managed to get your tax bill down to zero, this year ... however, my bill is $10 million.

'I know a lot of folks get us confused, but I'm actually taxes!'