Tax Audits Gifts

'According to my figures, you don't need an accountant, you need a lawyer!'

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

Flat tax - equal burden?

'Honestly Bob, it's not that bad. If you can make as much next year as you did this year you'll be able to pay off your outstanding taxes for last year. That'll just leave the interest, the tax for this year and... my fees.'

'I'd put it on the back burner, but the stove's been repossessed.'

Panama Papers Scandal

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

"Seriously, do you expect us to believe you put on 143 feet a day in business travel?"

"It only made sense for us to finally merge."

The IRS emptied my pouch.

Counting dollars

IRS Audit Section

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

"Other folks have to pay taxes, too, Mr. Herndon, so would you please spare us the dramatics!"

'Hang on, I've just found another one. It must've fallen down behind the coffee machine.'

You want an extension? Good heavens, man, we haven't even paid for Reagans boondoggles yet!

IRS, 'It might make you feel better if you just think of it as a negative entitlement.'

'You think he overheard my last lecture on tax code revision?'

IRS agent to professor scrutinizing tax return under microscope: 'Still looking for that tax loophole, professor?'

'How do you expect the Government to bail you out of your financial crisis if you don't pay your taxes?'

'He's trying to persuade the Inland Revenue that it's a tax haven.'

"Well, if it's a fairy story you want, here's a good one that arrived at the office today."

'Watch what you admit to. He once tried to fine one of my clients for looking a gift horse in the mouth.'

Tax Collector

'There it is! I've isolated the origin of the firm's demise.'

'Do you honestly expect me to believe that fairy tale?

'Will you bring in Mr.Harris' file - you'll find it under 'U' for unbelievable.'

I can read this audit, but HOW should I read it...What is my MOTIVATION, how do I bring these figures to life,make them sing!... Colin often wondered whether accountancy had been the right career choice for him

'I know a lot of folks get us confused, but I'm actually taxes!'

I've managed to get your tax bill down to zero, this year ... however, my bill is $10 million.