Tax Auditing Gifts

"Having audited your accounts, we can't find anything at all suspicious. Which makes us very suspicious."

'Do you want this set of books, or the set you keep in the broom cupboard?'

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

Flat tax - equal burden?

'Honestly Bob, it's not that bad. If you can make as much next year as you did this year you'll be able to pay off your outstanding taxes for last year. That'll just leave the interest, the tax for this year and... my fees.'

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

Panama Papers Scandal

'Are you ready for your FISCAL examination?'

'I'd put it on the back burner, but the stove's been repossessed.'

"Seriously, do you expect us to believe you put on 143 feet a day in business travel?"

"It only made sense for us to finally merge."

The IRS emptied my pouch.

"Saving Lois Lane a dozen times doesn't mean you can claim her as a dependent on your taxes."

IRS Audit Section

"Which tax bracket are you looking to avoid?"

Counting dollars

'Dad, did you say 'someday all this will be theirs'?' 'No, me say, 'The IRS's'.'

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

"Other folks have to pay taxes, too, Mr. Herndon, so would you please spare us the dramatics!"

'Hang on, I've just found another one. It must've fallen down behind the coffee machine.'

'How do you expect the Government to bail you out of your financial crisis if you don't pay your taxes?'

Tax Collector

IRS, 'It might make you feel better if you just think of it as a negative entitlement.'

IRS agent to professor scrutinizing tax return under microscope: 'Still looking for that tax loophole, professor?'

'You think he overheard my last lecture on tax code revision?'

You want an extension? Good heavens, man, we haven't even paid for Reagans boondoggles yet!

'Watch what you admit to. He once tried to fine one of my clients for looking a gift horse in the mouth.'

"Well, if it's a fairy story you want, here's a good one that arrived at the office today."

"Whadya know, we're being audited."

'He's trying to persuade the Inland Revenue that it's a tax haven.'

'There it is! I've isolated the origin of the firm's demise.'