Tax Audit Gifts

'Keep a stiff upper lip, Mr. Haskins. That's all you get to keep.'

"Apparently, your only dependents are Ben & Jerry."

'Go ahead. Bring on your computers.'

IRS: 'You can't have it both ways!' 'But I don't want it either way!'

I checked with the Inland Revenue IT people, they're pretty confident a computer virus can not eat a paper tax receipt.

'Your money? -- does it or does it not have 'United States Treasury' printed on it?'

"Before we begin, would you like a prozac?"

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

Flat tax - equal burden?

'Honestly Bob, it's not that bad. If you can make as much next year as you did this year you'll be able to pay off your outstanding taxes for last year. That'll just leave the interest, the tax for this year and... my fees.'

'I'd put it on the back burner, but the stove's been repossessed.'

Panama Papers Scandal

'Are you ready for your FISCAL examination?'

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

"Seriously, do you expect us to believe you put on 143 feet a day in business travel?"

The IRS emptied my pouch.

IRS Audit Section

"It only made sense for us to finally merge."

Counting dollars

"Saving Lois Lane a dozen times doesn't mean you can claim her as a dependent on your taxes."

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

'Hang on, I've just found another one. It must've fallen down behind the coffee machine.'

"Other folks have to pay taxes, too, Mr. Herndon, so would you please spare us the dramatics!"

Tax Collector

"Well, if it's a fairy story you want, here's a good one that arrived at the office today."

You want an extension? Good heavens, man, we haven't even paid for Reagans boondoggles yet!

'How do you expect the Government to bail you out of your financial crisis if you don't pay your taxes?'

IRS agent to professor scrutinizing tax return under microscope: 'Still looking for that tax loophole, professor?'

'Watch what you admit to. He once tried to fine one of my clients for looking a gift horse in the mouth.'

'He's trying to persuade the Inland Revenue that it's a tax haven.'

"Whadya know, we're being audited."

'You think he overheard my last lecture on tax code revision?'