Tax Auditing Pillows

"Having audited your accounts, we can't find anything at all suspicious. Which makes us very suspicious."

'Do you want this set of books, or the set you keep in the broom cupboard?'

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

Flat tax - equal burden?

'Honestly Bob, it's not that bad. If you can make as much next year as you did this year you'll be able to pay off your outstanding taxes for last year. That'll just leave the interest, the tax for this year and... my fees.'

Panama Papers Scandal

'I'd put it on the back burner, but the stove's been repossessed.'

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

"Seriously, do you expect us to believe you put on 143 feet a day in business travel?"

Counting dollars

"Which tax bracket are you looking to avoid?"

"It only made sense for us to finally merge."

The IRS emptied my pouch.

IRS Audit Section

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

'Hang on, I've just found another one. It must've fallen down behind the coffee machine.'

"Other folks have to pay taxes, too, Mr. Herndon, so would you please spare us the dramatics!"

'You think he overheard my last lecture on tax code revision?'

"Well, if it's a fairy story you want, here's a good one that arrived at the office today."

IRS agent to professor scrutinizing tax return under microscope: 'Still looking for that tax loophole, professor?'

Tax Collector

You want an extension? Good heavens, man, we haven't even paid for Reagans boondoggles yet!

'He's trying to persuade the Inland Revenue that it's a tax haven.'

IRS, 'It might make you feel better if you just think of it as a negative entitlement.'

'How do you expect the Government to bail you out of your financial crisis if you don't pay your taxes?'

'Watch what you admit to. He once tried to fine one of my clients for looking a gift horse in the mouth.'

'There it is! I've isolated the origin of the firm's demise.'

'Do you honestly expect me to believe that fairy tale?

'Will you bring in Mr.Harris' file - you'll find it under 'U' for unbelievable.'