Undergoing A Tax Audit Pillows

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

'Honestly Bob, it's not that bad. If you can make as much next year as you did this year you'll be able to pay off your outstanding taxes for last year. That'll just leave the interest, the tax for this year and... my fees.'

Panama Papers Scandal

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

'I'd put it on the back burner, but the stove's been repossessed.'

"Seriously, do you expect us to believe you put on 143 feet a day in business travel?"

"It only made sense for us to finally merge."

IRS Audit Section

The IRS emptied my pouch.

Counting dollars

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

"Other folks have to pay taxes, too, Mr. Herndon, so would you please spare us the dramatics!"

'Hang on, I've just found another one. It must've fallen down behind the coffee machine.'

You want an extension? Good heavens, man, we haven't even paid for Reagans boondoggles yet!

IRS agent to professor scrutinizing tax return under microscope: 'Still looking for that tax loophole, professor?'

'Watch what you admit to. He once tried to fine one of my clients for looking a gift horse in the mouth.'

"Well, if it's a fairy story you want, here's a good one that arrived at the office today."

Tax Collector

'How do you expect the Government to bail you out of your financial crisis if you don't pay your taxes?'

'He's trying to persuade the Inland Revenue that it's a tax haven.'

'You think he overheard my last lecture on tax code revision?'

IRS, 'It might make you feel better if you just think of it as a negative entitlement.'

'There it is! I've isolated the origin of the firm's demise.'

'Do you honestly expect me to believe that fairy tale?

'Will you bring in Mr.Harris' file - you'll find it under 'U' for unbelievable.'

I can read this audit, but HOW should I read it...What is my MOTIVATION, how do I bring these figures to life,make them sing!... Colin often wondered whether accountancy had been the right career choice for him

I've managed to get your tax bill down to zero, this year ... however, my bill is $10 million.

'I know a lot of folks get us confused, but I'm actually taxes!'

'Ah, I see you made £2,000 more for me this year.'