Irony Buff Pillows

Acme Refrigerator: 'It's not much, but it's paid for.'

Planet of the Mice

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

'Fasten yourself to your seats please.'

'Do you hunt bear?'

'Remember how you put Cain and Abel on the honor system'

'Gone to Amnesia class your Dinner is........somewhere'

'It's the new guidance counselor. He's lost.'

"It seems the broadness of your mind and the narrowness of your waist have changed places."

Gas Leak!

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

Backfire

"Yeah, he's cute but don't approach him. He's a service human."

Cat Nip.

"So then, after I'd invented my time machine, I thought: why not go back and visit the good old days?"

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

"It says 'break glass' but it doesn't say what glass!'

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

"Well, look at the bright side, Timmy — you're 100 percent wrong."

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

The Seven Dwarfs After Therapy

For speedy operation and ease of control get a pony.

"Bloody hell!"

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

'He does lack social skills.'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'There will be no raises this year since the state now has a lottery.'