Joke Buff Pillows

'Ask me the next one.. I have irritable vowel syndrome.'

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

Backfire

Cat Nip.

"Yeah, he's cute but don't approach him. He's a service human."

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

The Seven Dwarfs After Therapy

'He does lack social skills.'

For speedy operation and ease of control get a pony.

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

"Bloody hell!"

The Golfing Accident

A bear is sat on an armchair with old man slippers.

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

"I have no thumbs."

"Is there a vegan option?"

Fishing line going in to water and then dropping down from sky at top of panel.

A man walks his dog wearing a cone.

"Beware of the frog"

'Sorry, but I'm arresting you for being in possession of an endangered wild coho salmon.'

"And then on ab day they roll on their backs, flail, and mimic us in the throes of death."

"And would you like flies with that?"

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

'Try and be pleasant dear, you don't want to alienate it.'

'This fish isn't tank broken - I want a refund!'

'Yes... but is he a good watch dog?'

Cat Hecklers

"Halloween is the perfect time to land on Earth. Nobody will notice us and we can get free candy."