Humor Buffs Pillows

Mistress Dominatra, Esq.

Sex Education Class - "Today in class I'll be explaining where your babies come from."

"Nothing to be concerned about. Short-term memory foam loss is very common in a mattress your age."

'My mom wants to know if she can borrow a cup of high-fructose corn syrup.'

"See I told you the dentist was a pussycat."

Performing dog

Jumpin' jehoshaphat!

Fish resembles the fisherman.

'It says here that everytime someone says they don't believe in fairies - a Tenor dies...'

"You're in the wrong place, pal! This is a crow bar!"

'Oh-oh -- we should have brought sunscreen!'

Giant Boot Sale

'Wait a minute! I thought you guys couldn't fly!'

"Remember, God created you. Evolution will get you left behind."

Buster wastes a perfectly good threat.

Pipe Smoker of the Year Awards.

Cow Pollen

'I'm looking for someone to give me fifty dollars...' 'Well, you've got a nice day for it!'

Practical joke, violent offender rehab center: 'Relate to me!'

'Who else wants a piece of me?!'

"Please understand, the Queen has thousands of kids. It's not practical to expect her to kiss you all goodnight every night..."

Male Springbok: 'Sally,Beth,this is Will, my Gnu friend'

"That cloud looks like a basket of eggs!"

The over-the-counter versions

"I told you to be careful when flying over the earth because inflation is skyrocketing!"

"Did you know that the Chinese symbol for gullibility is the most expensive tattoo that you can get?"

"If we don't want to be captured, we'll need to find a place where no one goes. Where's the nearest public library?"

Hairy Potter

The Hawaiian Green Sea turtle lays her "clutch"...

"Ebeneezer, I'm the ghost of Christmas future. From an alternate universe where you're an awesome guy. So. . . not much to say, really."

"I know what the airlines charge to check a bag is outrageous, but. . ."

Just what were you doing in Georgia anyways Hmmm Isn't it true that you were lookin' for a soul to steal Your confession states that you were in a bind cause you were way behind, Care to elaborate, Mr, Seacrest I mean, Lucifer,,

"Every time it snows I seem to put on weight."

"Can you tell me the quickest way to the hospital?"

'Sharks have to keep moving to survive, you say?', 'Yep - They're nature's politicians.'