Satirical News Buff Pillows

"Greed, anger, envy and pride closed higher today, while lust, gluttony and sloth showed losses."

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

"They grow up so fast."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"Yeah, he's cute but don't approach him. He's a service human."

Cat Nip.

Grand Canyon. What's so great about the Grand Canyon?...Most of it's missing!

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

"We don't care about his nose. We won't let him play because he's not vaccinated and won't wear a mask!"

The Seven Dwarfs After Therapy

Cheeze Wiz.

'He does lack social skills.'

Taking Credit after Voting against Stimulus

"I have no thumbs."

Snowman with Happy Face Badge.

Our Two Parties, Explained

"Strawman argument terrorises conversation... News at eleven."

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

The Golfing Accident

'Now for today's numbers...'Bad Dogs' outnumbered 'Good Dogs' by two-to-one...'

Fishing line going in to water and then dropping down from sky at top of panel.

'Try and be pleasant dear, you don't want to alienate it.'

Wedding disaster #27.

"And then on ab day they roll on their backs, flail, and mimic us in the throes of death."

DUNVOTIN

"And would you like flies with that?"

"Halloween is the perfect time to land on Earth. Nobody will notice us and we can get free candy."

Europe and immigration.

Local News in Heaven

'Mixed news from the federal reserve...interest rates will drop on savings but will go up on loans.'

Milk Bar - "Don't you think you've had enough?"

"Well, if you didn't do anything in North Korea, then why do they keep launching missiles at us?"

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'