Satirical News Buff Gifts

"Greed, anger, envy and pride closed higher today, while lust, gluttony and sloth showed losses."

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

"They grow up so fast."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"Yeah, he's cute but don't approach him. He's a service human."

Cat Nip.

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

"We don't care about his nose. We won't let him play because he's not vaccinated and won't wear a mask!"

The Seven Dwarfs After Therapy

'He does lack social skills.'

The Golfing Accident

"Strawman argument terrorises conversation... News at eleven."

'Now for today's numbers...'Bad Dogs' outnumbered 'Good Dogs' by two-to-one...'

"I have no thumbs."

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

Fishing line going in to water and then dropping down from sky at top of panel.

"And would you like flies with that?"

"And then on ab day they roll on their backs, flail, and mimic us in the throes of death."

"Halloween is the perfect time to land on Earth. Nobody will notice us and we can get free candy."

DUNVOTIN

'Try and be pleasant dear, you don't want to alienate it.'

Europe and immigration.

Local News in Heaven

'Mixed news from the federal reserve...interest rates will drop on savings but will go up on loans.'

"Well, if you didn't do anything in North Korea, then why do they keep launching missiles at us?"

Stepping on clown's shoe...

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'