Satirical News Aficionado Pillows

'Bush today placed Scott McClellan on his 'evil doers' list.'

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

The Grasshopper's Feast: A Prophetic Vision

Political convention

Trappist Monk Discord

"Lori, go ahead and toss in 'Lolita.' Now, what's next?" "We'll need more lighter fluid." "'The Lottery' is devils work." "We must protect the children." "Book burning club"

'What does it say, Dad?'

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

HELLth Food Sprouts

"What do you mean blood sucking pest? You're the one who invited me into your life!"

"Nixon was the same way when he first got here."

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

'As you can see,we run a completely paperless office.'

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"Would you like to see the markup?"

What happened when the bond issues failed during the building of the Great Wall of China: The Great Picket Fence of China.

World Food Summit - No food and drink allowed in the auditorium.

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

BREAKING FAKE NEWS

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

"I liked it better when it was 'don't ask, don't tell the New York Times'."

"Actually, you do have a racist bone in your body."

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

"I'm a common dolphin, I swim the west coast of Scotland foraging for fish and squid."

Corporate Darwinism

Boardroom sacrifice - 'Then we agree - the shareholders don't have to know what transpired here today.'

Clone Factory

A rare picture of Henry VIII's divorce lawyer.

Party-Crashing Ban

Man on left - 'What do you call a public servant who spends half their time doing private work?' Man on right - 'An MP?'

'In my opinion, hold out for a doctor.'