Ironically Uncomfortable Lovers Gifts

Fakir uses a porcupine as a pillow.

"I love you, you big fool."

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

"It's a beautiful ring. She'll definitely pause for a moment before saying no."

A thief steals a heart

Wayne Krasnicky - unlucky gambler and unlucky in love.

'I fu*@!Ng hate you!!!'

"Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do."

'Huge waves, loose shorts and a body like a gourd. I was never going to make it through summer without a serious privacy breach.'

'Aunt Val's pretty cool. . . Kind of hot actually. . . for an older lady.'

"Your eyes are like limpid pools. Allergies hitting you pretty bad, huh?"

"Only one Valentines card? Still could have been a lot worse!"

'I had a wonderful evening, Oswald but this wasn't it,I'm afraid!'

"I was happy that my girlfriend came to me to ask how to delete a contact from her iPhone. . . until I learned it was my contact that she was deleting."

''Change your underwear.' Hmm, my mother must be in town for a visit.'

Man spilling coffee and papers, looking like an awkward dance

'Oh no! I think I left my wallet in the examination room.'

Lovers Guide, "I can't get it in !"

"I . . . uh. . . had a real pleasant evening, Wendy!"

'Happy Christmas! I got you a card.' - 'Oh, thanks.' - 'Sorry it's damp... I licked the envelope too hard.' - 'Oh, right.' - 'If you rub it on your face, it's like we're kissing.' - 'Oh, no... quick! Give me your hat!'

"Quick interruption to assure you I'm listening and not just rehearsing a response over and over in my head."

"Sorry, babe, runnin' late, start without me."

Tunnel of You'll-Do-For-Now

"Do you call this a party! I've been to livelier funerals!"

Wedding nose ring

"I'm not social distancing. I just don't like you."

"Your looks are laughable, unphotographable. Happy valentine's day."

As she came into season, Trixie know the relationship had to end.

You're never alone! You're constantly being watched by millions of germs!

Finally a normal guy, she thought, until she dropped her fork and he offered to help.

"Ew! This couch is still warm from the last guy."

Yes, your eyes are like limpid pools, but there's such a thing as too much limpidity. Your eyes are so limpid, I can see your sinus cavities.

"Now make her fall in love with the roommate who's going to quit his job to become a DJ."

"Will I go on a date with you?... Sure, why don't we make it Saturday, 18th May, 2086?"

"It's not supposed to be a beard or a moustache. It's stubble!"