Ironically Successful Gifts

"I wasn't paying attention in school and accidentally became an attorney."

Procrastinators Incorporated

"Let's face it, if we were getting any customers they'd have been here by now."

"Oh boy! I've won the- "

There were times when Ralph wished god didn't move in such mysterious ways.

"Up here! Beef jerky, trail mix, energy bars!"

Street person selling bricks from wall he's leaning on.

Fitness Centre: Out for a Run Back in 3 Hours

Humpty Dumpty Gets in a Taxi.

"Y' know, Robert, they say it's unhealthy to bring your work home with you."

"We were all given motivational videos at work today. All it shows is our boss shouting and sacking people."

Reality Show Host

'Now that I can afford anything on the menu, I can't digest anything on the menu.'

"Honey, it's me. Listen, I'm having second thoughts on fish for dinner."

Feel good loser. NON WINNER

I can't believe it - I've made it again!!!

"Whenever we talk to staff the work/life issue keeps cropping up!"

'I think I'm right for this job because I'm a real people person. Now, are you going to hire me or not? I don't have all freakin' day!'

'When I think of all the homework my dog ate, I can hardly believe that I'm sitting at this desk.'

'When he said he loved going to Wendy's, I just assumed fast food...'

"There must be a mistake, I'm a tee-total vegan!"

A Hunter's Decoy

Hell's Kitties

Some exercise program - he power walks to snack machine!

'Note to self... remove slot machine before next meeting.'

Jim's Gym.

Native weight watchers.

Well at least we know what not to do

'I started at the bottom. And sank.'

"And this is the nurse Jenkins who will be advising you on diet and exercise."

The bittersweet joy of running the fastest 100 meters in human history then realizing you've run it the wrong way.

'Dear valued customer, due to your lack of discipline and total disregard for your credit limit, you're the customer of the month.'

"I'm celebrating one year of abstinence from alcohol."

'The guy who hacked our banks' computer has transfered 10,- to us when he saw our balance...'

Support group for the accident-prone: Watch Your Step