Ironic Success Seeker Gifts

'Now that I can afford anything on the menu, I can't digest anything on the menu.'

Or as I prefer to call it, the 'feel-good' factor.

Nothing Succeeds Like Confidence.

"Great! We're still going up! Chop a hole in the ceiling!"

'Is that the sweet smell of success or some imitation air freshener?'

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

Go! Means NOW!

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

Teamwork!

'Wow! I never thought it would actually WORK!'

'Congratulations on breaking through the glass ceiling of the company downstairs. However, I will be sending you a repair bill.'

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

'I try not to think big too often or I get terrible headaches.'

'I can't believe I didn't get that promotion. So many people have passed me by I feel like a road sign on the highway to success.'

Pity vs. Bragging and Public Relations

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

Upward Progress

"Well, I'm sad for Gloria...she's gonna be bummed out when I'm twice as successful as she is."

'It must be a problem of interpretation. I've read this book DOZENS of times, and I keep winding up here!'

'If I may say so, business is booming.'

The rope to success.

Artisan hot dog stand has pigs tethered to it.

Win - win

'That's the first cubicle I ever worked in.'

Boom

"My service animal for Alzheimer's, sonny!"

Gloat

"Ok, so you got the worm. What are you going to do with the rest of your day?"

"I didn't really start applying myself seriously until around the eighth life."

If a moo can rise to the top, so can I.

"I've finally arrived. The C.E.O. stopped saying 'who the hell are you' whenever he sees me."

"Most women find me too cutthroat."

"Wait, wait, back up, back up. Who the #!@! is George Orwell?"

'I'm not sure what I want out of life, but I want a lot of it.'