Ironic Success Seeker Gifts

'Now that I can afford anything on the menu, I can't digest anything on the menu.'

Or as I prefer to call it, the 'feel-good' factor.

Nothing Succeeds Like Confidence.

"Great! We're still going up! Chop a hole in the ceiling!"

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

'Is that the sweet smell of success or some imitation air freshener?'

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

Go! Means NOW!

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

Teamwork!

'Congratulations on breaking through the glass ceiling of the company downstairs. However, I will be sending you a repair bill.'

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

Pity vs. Bragging and Public Relations

Upward Progress

'I try not to think big too often or I get terrible headaches.'

'I can't believe I didn't get that promotion. So many people have passed me by I feel like a road sign on the highway to success.'

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

'It must be a problem of interpretation. I've read this book DOZENS of times, and I keep winding up here!'

'If I may say so, business is booming.'

'That's the first cubicle I ever worked in.'

Win - win

The rope to success.

Artisan hot dog stand has pigs tethered to it.

Boom

"My service animal for Alzheimer's, sonny!"

Gloat

"I didn't really start applying myself seriously until around the eighth life."

"I've finally arrived. The C.E.O. stopped saying 'who the hell are you' whenever he sees me."

If a moo can rise to the top, so can I.

"Wait, wait, back up, back up. Who the #!@! is George Orwell?"

"Ok, so you got the worm. What are you going to do with the rest of your day?"

"Most women find me too cutthroat."

'I'm not sure what I want out of life, but I want a lot of it.'

"We've come so far together...wouldn't it be great if they had frequent achiever miles?"