Fans Of Ironic Business Gifts

"Let's face it, if we were getting any customers they'd have been here by now."

"Looks like we found the issue."

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

"And you can rest assured that your problem is being ignored at the very highest levels."

'No matter how cynical I become, I can't keep up.'

End the Winter Blues

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

Non-Power Breakfast

"He'll do anything to say in power."

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

'If two wrongs don't make a right...try three.'

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

"It's a swearbox."

Told you...Nonsense compulsive disorder.

"Comparing our salaries with the workers' salaries makes me cry...with laughter!"

Scapegoat of the Year

'And these are the projections if we stop doing silly things like paying the employees.'

Stoneage business ethics: 'But, hey, this 'ethics' stuff isn't carved in stone!'

"Already sold your soul to the company? Listen, I'll have my people talk to their people."

'You'll never succeed until the kissing up becomes instinctual.'

"Gentlemen, may I present our company's future. A buggy whip... with Bluetooth!"

Death Boss

"We feel you're over analyzing things a bit too much."

"Anyone else see weaknesses in my report?"

'Your ambiguities are impeccable, young man - just what our department needs.'

'We're like one big family tree... that's why everyone is in therapy.'

Dorothy and Toto use their special talents to rapidly ascend the corporate ladder.

"The dip in sales seems to coincide with the decision to eliminate sales staff."

'Any chance you can bite him yourself? I've really got a lot on my dish right now.'

"Yes, the market did advance this week, Rebecca, but we feel it's somewhat of a 'dead-cat bounce.'"

'Carson, this is the new organizational chart. This is you.'

'Dalrymple came to us from the public sector.'