Lovers Of Irony In Business Gifts

'If two wrongs don't make a right...try three.'

End the Winter Blues

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

BEWARE OF THE DOG!; 'So much for management's pledge to bargain in good faith.'

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

'He always has your back - - - but it's mostly to step on.'

Our large economy size packet hasn't been selling...it's too big to carry home.

"I don't know if they do or not. . . I've never opened it."

A Truism's Journey

"I don't mind out of control spending as long as it's on stuff I like."

"This new policy of resisting change is certainly innovative."

"You have a grossly exagerrated view of your own importance. You'll make an excellent department head."

'All work and no play may make you dull, but it also makes you Vice President.'

"Let's face it, if we were getting any customers they'd have been here by now."

'Yes Sir, I am at this very minute passing on your recommendations for staff wage cuts to the appropriate department'

The Continuing Adventures of Mel Hufnagel, Corporate Head-Hunter...

"By golly, if I can make it an enjoyable environment then it's no longer work, it's fun!..."

"Do you have any idea what it's like to be underappreciated by your boss?"

"He's just come back from a 'managing stress' course...He learnt all sorts of strategies for dealing with pressure...maybe he could show us some of them if he ever wakes up."

"Management think staff need to use their initiative more, and they forwarded a 65 page memo on how they want you to do it."

'We're not really sure WHAT he does. He seems to just sit there and glow!'

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the consultants."

"Don't take this the wrong way, but the first minute I saw you I wished you the worst."

'Willowby, you have great leadership potential. That's why I'm getting rid of you now.'

"You handled that boring, thankless job so well I've decided to give you another one."

'No, but you're getting warmer.'

'How do you like the new incentive scheme?'

'Can you believe it? A young punk like me laying off an old coot like you?'

"That efficiency expert you hired said I should get rid of you."

"Your former boss says you lack empathy - I'm putting you in HR."

'Our aims may be high but our sights are low.'

The first item on the agenda is redundancies - anybody want to volunteer?

If the British had been the first to see the Grand Canyon.

"We've cut away all the fat now we have to look at staffing costs!"

Corporate Special Effects.