Business Irony Seeker Gifts

'Rick, could you take a seat somewhere else, please? For me to be seen with you is damaging to business!'

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

'If two wrongs don't make a right...try three.'

In trays read: Bluff/Blink.

"I missed your last few words. Would you please mumble them again?"

'He always has your back - - - but it's mostly to step on.'

Our large economy size packet hasn't been selling...it's too big to carry home.

"I don't know if they do or not. . . I've never opened it."

"I don't mind out of control spending as long as it's on stuff I like."

'All work and no play may make you dull, but it also makes you Vice President.'

"I really enjoyed my job. Management found about it and fired me."

Maybe next tiime you'll hand in the risk assessment on time

"The water for your fishbowl was approved, but it looks like for now you're not getting the fish."

'We're streamlining efficiency by cutting the staff we employed to improve efficiency.'

Revolving Doors Ltd. - 'He's in, out, in, out ...'

The Continuing Adventures of Mel Hufnagel, Corporate Head-Hunter...

'You remember Mr. Horton? You know, the one you said to give the 'clean desk' award to? -- you fired him three years ago.'

'Yes, Mr Gurkinsky is the lawyer who specializes in advocating employees who are endangered of getting fired because of staying away from work for too long... unfortunately, I haven't seen Mr Gurkinsky for about three weeks...'

"It's the latest directive from senior management about how to run a 'paperless office'!"

"Management think staff need to use their initiative more, and they forwarded a 65 page memo on how they want you to do it."

'You were the last person I expected to fall down on the job, Trubshaw.'

'I see we'll be sampling the wines of New Jersey this evening.'

'Willowby, you have great leadership potential. That's why I'm getting rid of you now.'

'Please prepare this memo about reducing the use of our photocopiers and give each of our staff a copy. Send them a second copy, as a reminder, in two weeks and send a third reminder the following week.'

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the consultants."

"You handled that boring, thankless job so well I've decided to give you another one."

'Can you believe it? A young punk like me laying off an old coot like you?'

"That efficiency expert you hired said I should get rid of you."

'Don't you think you may have overdone it with the layoffS?'

"We've cut away all the fat now we have to look at staffing costs!"

"Isn't, 'buzzword' a buzzword?"

110% Job Performance.

The buck stops here briefly, then goes on its merry way

'Your experience is nil, qualifications lacking, references horrible, and you fulfill MY need for job security perfectly...YOU'RE HIRED!'

"We're moving you to another office, Norman."