Corporate Irony Explorer Gifts

The nice thing about soccer is that there are no commercials.

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

'If two wrongs don't make a right...try three.'

'In the interest of spending more time with my children, I've put Bobby and Emily in charge of corporate strategy.'

"I missed your last few words. Would you please mumble them again?"

'He always has your back - - - but it's mostly to step on.'

Our large economy size packet hasn't been selling...it's too big to carry home.

"I don't know if they do or not. . . I've never opened it."

"I don't mind out of control spending as long as it's on stuff I like."

"Our constantant surveillance indicates workers are becoming more paranoid."

'All work and no play may make you dull, but it also makes you Vice President.'

The Continuing Adventures of Mel Hufnagel, Corporate Head-Hunter...

"Management think staff need to use their initiative more, and they forwarded a 65 page memo on how they want you to do it."

Ace Doughnut Co.

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the consultants."

'I see we'll be sampling the wines of New Jersey this evening.'

CIA, 'Chief, I've got a lead on Victoria's Secret!'

"That efficiency expert you hired said I should get rid of you."

"Isn't, 'buzzword' a buzzword?"

"We've cut away all the fat now we have to look at staffing costs!"

"Such a shame when he was THIS close to emptying his inbox!"

'Rick, could you take a seat somewhere else, please? For me to be seen with you is damaging to business!'

'Your experience is nil, qualifications lacking, references horrible, and you fulfill MY need for job security perfectly...YOU'RE HIRED!'

"You're my star employee of the week for last week."

"That's Gerald, he was your predecessor as head of strategic planning."

"I thought you said his name was Mr Know-it-all?"

"Oh, you know, I'm just a typical guy in a boring suit, working in the corporate industry."

An unequal opportunity employer.

"Ingrid, inform the staff that in a gesture of solidarity, I wont be raising my salary this year. . . I will however, be reducing theirs."

'Someone accidentally deleted the data you've been inputting. Looks like I'll have to hire you temps full time.'

"I don't like our platitude Perkins!"

'According to your resume, you've accomplished very little and left no paper trail. Very impressive.'

TUC Conference: 'I've invited in someone from the private sector to help drive up our performance in fighting the private sector.'

'At least, the customers still remember our company, our products and me...'