Corporate Irony Collector Gifts

"I really enjoyed my job. Management found about it and fired me."

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

'I've collected my memos into one reasonably priced gift book.'

'He's a good listener, but only to the sound of his own voice.'

"You're hired!"

"I'll start thinking outside the box when the box is empty."

Before disposing of useless information please make file copies.

"I don't know if they do or not. . . I've never opened it."

Our large economy size packet hasn't been selling...it's too big to carry home.

The breakup

Funny, this is the same pill the head of the price-gouging drug company needs to take so he can sleep at night, too. Pharmac …

When Downsizing has Gone Too Far...

'He always has your back - - - but it's mostly to step on.'

"I don't mind out of control spending as long as it's on stuff I like."

"Our constantant surveillance indicates workers are becoming more paranoid."

"Very good Carter, but when you said you wanted to show us your Powerpoint we assumed you meant presentation!"

'If a job's worth doing, it's worth off-shooting.'

You're right, Jenkins. The numbers don't lie. Get me some that do.

"I need you to look at the big picture, Boswell. Not the little one of my trophy wife."

'We need to panic until common sense returns.'

'And no doubt you'll be pleased to hear, the pay's crap.'

'Our efforts to be rude impersonal, overpriced and inconvenient has made us leaders in jet fuel efficiency.'

'Shred that last mental note I gave you.'

"He's brilliant, exactly like me, and a lower paid version."

The Continuing Adventures of Mel Hufnagel, Corporate Head-Hunter...

'Instead of firing me, he could have tolerated mediocrity a little longer.'

'This service has been brought back in house and outsourced numerous times, I propose that as the contract is up for renewal again we consider 'shaking it all about''

"Management think staff need to use their initiative more, and they forwarded a 65 page memo on how they want you to do it."

'Of course our competitors have an unfair advantage - their product actually works.'

"Why, Ferber, I'm surprised to find you away from your desk."

"There's a one-year don't-get-sick probation period for our health insurance."

'Call in someone who understands all the terminology that no one understands.'

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the consultants."

'Nasty growth, eh? I recommend you go into hospitals at once!'