Corporate Irony Collector Pillows

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

'I've collected my memos into one reasonably priced gift book.'

'He's a good listener, but only to the sound of his own voice.'

"You're hired!"

"I'll start thinking outside the box when the box is empty."

Before disposing of useless information please make file copies.

Our large economy size packet hasn't been selling...it's too big to carry home.

The breakup

When Downsizing has Gone Too Far...

"I don't know if they do or not. . . I've never opened it."

'He always has your back - - - but it's mostly to step on.'

"I don't mind out of control spending as long as it's on stuff I like."

"Our constantant surveillance indicates workers are becoming more paranoid."

'If a job's worth doing, it's worth off-shooting.'

"I need you to look at the big picture, Boswell. Not the little one of my trophy wife."

'We need to panic until common sense returns.'

'Our efforts to be rude impersonal, overpriced and inconvenient has made us leaders in jet fuel efficiency.'

The Continuing Adventures of Mel Hufnagel, Corporate Head-Hunter...

"He's brilliant, exactly like me, and a lower paid version."

'Instead of firing me, he could have tolerated mediocrity a little longer.'

'Shred that last mental note I gave you.'

'This service has been brought back in house and outsourced numerous times, I propose that as the contract is up for renewal again we consider 'shaking it all about''

'Of course our competitors have an unfair advantage - their product actually works.'

"Why, Ferber, I'm surprised to find you away from your desk."

"Management think staff need to use their initiative more, and they forwarded a 65 page memo on how they want you to do it."

'Call in someone who understands all the terminology that no one understands.'

"There's a one-year don't-get-sick probation period for our health insurance."

'Nasty growth, eh? I recommend you go into hospitals at once!'

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the consultants."

'I'm afraid, unless you can show proof you're employed by God, I'll have to deny this claim.'