Corporate Irony Lover Pillows

"I don't mind out of control spending as long as it's on stuff I like."

'Someone accidentally deleted the data you've been inputting. Looks like I'll have to hire you temps full time.'

'Yeah, I know he's a slacker...but I just gave him a bonus because he always looks like he's busy!'

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

'Yes, can I help you?'

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

'We feel it's very important to provide our employees with an extremely comfortable work-place environment. Primarily because we don't allow them to ever go home.'

"Our new information management system has just worked out where we wasted most money last year. . . It was on the new information management system."

'Due to cutbacks, he lost his company vehicle, so he has to improvise.'

"I suggest we start with the low hanging fruit."

"It lost a little something in translation."

"Here's some of my work for you to do. It should be a refreshing change...for me."

Miniature Design Shop: Think Small.

"I can't decide who gets the promotion, so we'll settle it with a rope toy Tug O' War."

"Spoiler alert! I'm about to tell you the part that really bugged me about 'Wolverine.'" "You don't have to say 'spoiler alert,' minion. It's been a month." "Anyone who hasn't seen it yet has not fulfilled their role as a dutiful consumer, and deserves whatever spoilage they will receive." "In fact, let me know who they are and I'll enter them into my database. When the corporatist revolution comes, there will be consequences." "Um... never mind."

"Simplified application form? . . . This IS the simplified application form!"

Office meeting

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

'I treat everyone here the same as my family. . . like s**t.'

In and Out Sourced.

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

BEWARE OF THE DOG!; 'So much for management's pledge to bargain in good faith.'

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

"Comparing our salaries with the workers' salaries makes me cry...with laughter!"

"You're quitting? You're walking out?? Couldn't you have at least waited until I finished outsourcing the company??!"

'Nice power tie, J.B.'

'If two wrongs don't make a right...try three.'

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

'At this juncture in my presentation, I'd like to dispense with the illusion of coherence.'

Subordinate Employee