Corporate Irony Seeker Pillows

'Here's where accounting went all ethical on us.'

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

BEWARE OF THE DOG!; 'So much for management's pledge to bargain in good faith.'

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

'If two wrongs don't make a right...try three.'

"I missed your last few words. Would you please mumble them again?"

"I don't know if they do or not. . . I've never opened it."

Our large economy size packet hasn't been selling...it's too big to carry home.

'He always has your back - - - but it's mostly to step on.'

'A large Swiss Pharmaceuticals company has expressed serious interest in my potion.'

"I don't mind out of control spending as long as it's on stuff I like."

"Our constantant surveillance indicates workers are becoming more paranoid."

"I really enjoyed my job. Management found about it and fired me."

'All work and no play may make you dull, but it also makes you Vice President.'

'Yes Sir, I am at this very minute passing on your recommendations for staff wage cuts to the appropriate department'

"By golly, if I can make it an enjoyable environment then it's no longer work, it's fun!..."

"Do you have any idea what it's like to be underappreciated by your boss?"

The Continuing Adventures of Mel Hufnagel, Corporate Head-Hunter...

"He's just come back from a 'managing stress' course...He learnt all sorts of strategies for dealing with pressure...maybe he could show us some of them if he ever wakes up."

"Management think staff need to use their initiative more, and they forwarded a 65 page memo on how they want you to do it."

'Willowby, you have great leadership potential. That's why I'm getting rid of you now.'

'We're not really sure WHAT he does. He seems to just sit there and glow!'

Day One of training for the typical new worker.

'I see we'll be sampling the wines of New Jersey this evening.'

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the consultants."

'How do you like the new incentive scheme?'

"That efficiency expert you hired said I should get rid of you."

Corporate Special Effects.

The first item on the agenda is redundancies - anybody want to volunteer?

"Your former boss says you lack empathy - I'm putting you in HR."

'Our aims may be high but our sights are low.'

'After reviewing your job performance...'

"Such a shame when he was THIS close to emptying his inbox!"

"We've cut away all the fat now we have to look at staffing costs!"

"Isn't, 'buzzword' a buzzword?"