Workplace Irony Collector Pillows

Before disposing of useless information please make file copies.

"I need you to look at the big picture, Boswell. Not the little one of my trophy wife."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

'I used to commute. Now I transform.'

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

Friday

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

"Simplified application form? . . . This IS the simplified application form!"

The new contract didn't leave him much room to maneuver his hoverdesk.

BEWARE OF THE DOG!; 'So much for management's pledge to bargain in good faith.'

"You're hired!"

File Cabinets for Perfectionists

"I missed your last few words. Would you please mumble them again?"

In trays read: Bluff/Blink.

"Time to do it in!"

'Here's a signed statement from Vince Cable saying we can get rid of underperforming employees more easily.'

"You have a grossly exagerrated view of your own importance. You'll make an excellent department head."

"I really enjoyed my job. Management found about it and fired me."

"On the plus side, you're on the cover of all the major business publications."

"Most of the time, it's unclear what our company does exactly."

"It's not that casual of a Friday!"

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

'All work and no play may make you dull, but it also makes you Vice President.'

'You're the very first employee to register your complaint via my 'open door' policy.'

Your call is important to us...

"Wait a minute! I don’t ignore the concerns of my employees! I listen to them, I discuss with them... and then I ignore them."

Maybe next tiime you'll hand in the risk assessment on time

"The water for your fishbowl was approved, but it looks like for now you're not getting the fish."

'We're not looking for someone who wants to run with the wolves. We're looking for someone who wants to run over them.'

'Sorry, Gowp, but I'm rteplacing you as Head of Advertising.'

To get you up to speed Higgins, we're in a cartoon and I'm about to say something clever.

'Yes Sir, I am at this very minute passing on your recommendations for staff wage cuts to the appropriate department'

'You remember Mr. Horton? You know, the one you said to give the 'clean desk' award to? -- you fired him three years ago.'

'Yes, Mr Gurkinsky is the lawyer who specializes in advocating employees who are endangered of getting fired because of staying away from work for too long... unfortunately, I haven't seen Mr Gurkinsky for about three weeks...'