Corporate Irony Appreciator Gifts

'I blame myself — I didn't listen when he said he couldn't live on what I paid him.'

"Ingrid, inform the staff that in a gesture of solidarity, I wont be raising my salary this year. . . I will however, be reducing theirs."

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

Big Fish Packing Co - Our Flounder.

'If two wrongs don't make a right...try three.'

"I don't know if they do or not. . . I've never opened it."

Boss encouraging employees to invest as company goes down hill

'He always has your back - - - but it's mostly to step on.'

Our large economy size packet hasn't been selling...it's too big to carry home.

"I don't mind out of control spending as long as it's on stuff I like."

Now, gentlemen, doesn't the smaller table make these board meetings more cozy?'

"It appears they are in no hurry to start negotiating."

Charles P. Muckenspucker - Mission Creep.

"I really enjoyed my job. Management found about it and fired me."

"You have a grossly exagerrated view of your own importance. You'll make an excellent department head."

Middle Manager

Avoid talking about personal and domestic issues at interviews, unless asked.

The Continuing Adventures of Mel Hufnagel, Corporate Head-Hunter...

Employment Counselor. That's terrible! What kind of company fires you for taking a day off? A calendar company.

"And this is where we add the natural goodness."

"Management think staff need to use their initiative more, and they forwarded a 65 page memo on how they want you to do it."

'People, my son, the new VP in charge of pizza and beer!'

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the consultants."

Mega Corp. Last Rest Stop for 37 Doors.

'I prefer intimidation to efficiency.'

"You handled that boring, thankless job so well I've decided to give you another one."

'Rumors...'

'When you do get ahold of him, find out where all the money went.'

'Can you believe it? A young punk like me laying off an old coot like you?'

"That efficiency expert you hired said I should get rid of you."

"I need to change my secretary - she's had me on hold for twenty minutes."

'Hey! Is that one of our pens?!'

"Make yourself comfortable, Donaldson."

"We've cut away all the fat now we have to look at staffing costs!"

110% Job Performance.