Business Irony Fan Gifts

'Willowby, you have great leadership potential. That's why I'm getting rid of you now.'

'On one hand, I'm ashamed to sell nothing but cheap crap. On the other hand, I'm glad I make a lot of money doing it, so I don't have to buy cheap crap...'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

'No matter how cynical I become, I can't keep up.'

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

Water company bonus.

"He'll do anything to say in power."

Non-Power Breakfast

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'

"It's a swearbox."

"Comparing our salaries with the workers' salaries makes me cry...with laughter!"

"I know we're not lions, but let's call ourselves a pride anyway."

Scapegoat of the Year

'If two wrongs don't make a right...try three.'

Told you...Nonsense compulsive disorder.

"While we're on the subject of earnings, does anyone have a clever metaphor using the word, 'toilet'?"

'And these are the projections if we stop doing silly things like paying the employees.'

Stoneage business ethics: 'But, hey, this 'ethics' stuff isn't carved in stone!'

'We raised the price, so at least as far as we're concerned it's new and improved.'

'You'll never succeed until the kissing up becomes instinctual.'

"Gentlemen, may I present our company's future. A buggy whip... with Bluetooth!"

"Already sold your soul to the company? Listen, I'll have my people talk to their people."

Personally, I always had a feeling we'd land on our feet.

"I wouldn't stand there, if I were you."

"We feel you're over analyzing things a bit too much."

Death Boss