Business Irony Lovers Gifts

'Employees are our most important asset. With that in mind, we're terminating assets to improve our profit margin.'

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

"Simplified application form? . . . This IS the simplified application form!"

BEWARE OF THE DOG!; 'So much for management's pledge to bargain in good faith.'

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

'If two wrongs don't make a right...try three.'

In trays read: Bluff/Blink.

"Originally I wanted to be a stockbroker but found I fainted at the sight of money.''

'He always has your back - - - but it's mostly to step on.'

"I don't know if they do or not. . . I've never opened it."

Our large economy size packet hasn't been selling...it's too big to carry home.

"I don't mind out of control spending as long as it's on stuff I like."

'All work and no play may make you dull, but it also makes you Vice President.'

"The blaze has taken hold on the eight floor Chief. The C.E.O., V.P. and C.O.O. are trapped in the boardroom!!"

Maybe next tiime you'll hand in the risk assessment on time

"Let's face it, if we were getting any customers they'd have been here by now."

"The water for your fishbowl was approved, but it looks like for now you're not getting the fish."

'We're streamlining efficiency by cutting the staff we employed to improve efficiency.'

'Yes Sir, I am at this very minute passing on your recommendations for staff wage cuts to the appropriate department'

"He's just come back from a 'managing stress' course...He learnt all sorts of strategies for dealing with pressure...maybe he could show us some of them if he ever wakes up."

'You remember Mr. Horton? You know, the one you said to give the 'clean desk' award to? -- you fired him three years ago.'

"By golly, if I can make it an enjoyable environment then it's no longer work, it's fun!..."

"Do you have any idea what it's like to be underappreciated by your boss?"

"It's the latest directive from senior management about how to run a 'paperless office'!"

'The facts speak for themselves: My opinion however is in the accompanying letter with your redundancy package.'

'Yes, Mr Gurkinsky is the lawyer who specializes in advocating employees who are endangered of getting fired because of staying away from work for too long... unfortunately, I haven't seen Mr Gurkinsky for about three weeks...'

dog-come ingo out boxes

The Continuing Adventures of Mel Hufnagel, Corporate Head-Hunter...

'Mind you, I'm not responsible for the entire pipeline ?' just the section that flows through my office.'

'You were the last person I expected to fall down on the job, Trubshaw.'

"Management think staff need to use their initiative more, and they forwarded a 65 page memo on how they want you to do it."

'We're not really sure WHAT he does. He seems to just sit there and glow!'

'Please prepare this memo about reducing the use of our photocopiers and give each of our staff a copy. Send them a second copy, as a reminder, in two weeks and send a third reminder the following week.'

'Willowby, you have great leadership potential. That's why I'm getting rid of you now.'

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the consultants."