Ironically Cheerful Gifts

Feel good loser. NON WINNER

'I'm still employed, but to save on utility costs, they offshored me.'

"I said to make a thousand CLONES."

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

"You know Mike, you're so boring, you're interesting!"

"Did he give it all to the poor, or just the after salary and expenses part?"

"Y' know, Robert, they say it's unhealthy to bring your work home with you."

RIP...snores are coming from the grave.

"We were all given motivational videos at work today. All it shows is our boss shouting and sacking people."

'We like to keep old timers involved in our expansion.'

Young Che Guevara contemplates a career in t-shirt design.

You can stand under my umbrella.

'He drinks to forget and today it's our wedding anniversary.'

'Gloria, I want you to meet my significant other.'

'Time's up, chuckles.'

Book about the real meaning of Christmas is on sale.

Old Mother Hubbard, Went to the Cupboard...'Now what did I come here for?'

'It is nice to have Springtime here at last.'

"There must be a mistake, I'm a tee-total vegan!"

'The good news is, I've got no more trouble with my stupid boss and grumbling customers. The bad news is, our company is insolvent and I'm jobless.'

If life gives you lemons. . .

'Who's there?'

"Well, everything's going great! I guess it's time to bring in the naysayers."

'Note to self... remove slot machine before next meeting.'

"Here's to even lower expectations in the New Year."

'I'm fed up with this hosepipe ban... I mean, it's not like we really need one.'

"I wasn't paying attention in school and accidentally became an attorney."

Christmas - Let's get it over with.

'I've decided to give up Lent.'

"It started with cutting letters out of magazines for ransom notes, now he's really into scrapbooking."

"Dress is casual here. We don't pay our workers enough to buy suits."