Ironically Cheerful Pillows

Feel good loser. NON WINNER

'I'm still employed, but to save on utility costs, they offshored me.'

"I said to make a thousand CLONES."

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

"We were all given motivational videos at work today. All it shows is our boss shouting and sacking people."

"You know Mike, you're so boring, you're interesting!"

'We like to keep old timers involved in our expansion.'

RIP...snores are coming from the grave.

"Y' know, Robert, they say it's unhealthy to bring your work home with you."

"Did he give it all to the poor, or just the after salary and expenses part?"

Humpty Dumpty Gets in a Taxi.

'Time's up, chuckles.'

'He drinks to forget and today it's our wedding anniversary.'

You can stand under my umbrella.

Young Che Guevara contemplates a career in t-shirt design.

Book about the real meaning of Christmas is on sale.

'Gloria, I want you to meet my significant other.'

Old Mother Hubbard, Went to the Cupboard...'Now what did I come here for?'

'It is nice to have Springtime here at last.'

'The good news is, I've got no more trouble with my stupid boss and grumbling customers. The bad news is, our company is insolvent and I'm jobless.'

"There must be a mistake, I'm a tee-total vegan!"

"Well, everything's going great! I guess it's time to bring in the naysayers."

If life gives you lemons. . .

'Who's there?'

'Note to self... remove slot machine before next meeting.'

"Here's to even lower expectations in the New Year."

'I'm fed up with this hosepipe ban... I mean, it's not like we really need one.'

Christmas - Let's get it over with.

"I wasn't paying attention in school and accidentally became an attorney."

'I've decided to give up Lent.'

Diarrhoea Discussion Class: Runs Until Friday

"Dress is casual here. We don't pay our workers enough to buy suits."