Ironically Funny Pillows

'Note to self... remove slot machine before next meeting.'

"Y' know, Robert, they say it's unhealthy to bring your work home with you."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"Look! No hands!"

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

'Of course I stretched first. That's how I hurt myself.'

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

Gardening Calendar: January - The Snow will be deep now...get out into the garden...

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

Winter Weather.

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

The Hammer

"You are still here."

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'

Public footpath on a desert island.

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

Anti-inflammation recipes

"We should have done more to bring all the things we were trying to get away from."

'Where Are They Now?'

"I've been dumping bodies here for years, and it seems to me that the sea level is rising."

'I've had a few short stories published, but I'd really like to write 'the Great American How to Write a Novel.''

"That's what I love about social media. I can have connections with thousands of people and yet still be completely isolated and alone."

'You're a good man, Henderson, but you don't have your staff's respect.'

'I let my merit badges do the talking.'

"I'll have dessert first."

'Well, the marriage guidance counsellor advised us to share each others interests, didn't she?'

"If find people express themslves more freely in traffic jams."

Help! Send fishing tackle!

Mary Margaret, the best bar nun.

"Fit the reality to our statistics!"

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

'Elroy had an unfortunate knack for picking fights with the wrong people'