Ironically Charming Gifts

"You know Mike, you're so boring, you're interesting!"

"Look! No hands!"

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

'Of course I stretched first. That's how I hurt myself.'

Gardening Calendar: January - The Snow will be deep now...get out into the garden...

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

"You are still here."

The Hammer

Public footpath on a desert island.

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

Anti-inflammation recipes

'Where Are They Now?'

'You're a good man, Henderson, but you don't have your staff's respect.'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

"I'll have dessert first."

Help! Send fishing tackle!

"Fit the reality to our statistics!"

"You complete me."

"I was thinking of joining a parenting class."

'Looks like a love affair gone bad.'

New anti-obesity cookbook.

Healthy Eating Casualties

'We have a strict dress code. Can't let you in without a straightjacket and tie.'

'I really felt at home there. The food was awful!'

"Bangin’ rims. Sears?"

"Just between you and me, he was a road kill."

'The car has power steering... but the driver doesn't!'

'The worst part is I'm afraid of the water.'