Ironically Stylish Gifts

"Dress is casual here. We don't pay our workers enough to buy suits."

'Gloria, I want you to meet my significant other.'

"If I'd known we'd be this long wandering the wilderness I would never have worn these heels."

I like this one. Do you have it in blue?

'I hate waking up with coffin hair.'

As Seen Watching TV

"I thought I put on my 'big boy' pants this morning but apparently they were my 'fire me' pants."

'I've taken my knowledge of science and math and applied them to fashion to produce a wardrobe that's guaranteed to malfunction to get you the most possible publicity.'

"Look at these old clothes, Dylan! You know, tie-dye HAS made a comeback!"

"Apparently 'the vest' is making a comeback..."

"We're thinking of having your nose pierced."

"Apparently, he's well over 100 now."

"You know Mike, you're so boring, you're interesting!"

"We were all given motivational videos at work today. All it shows is our boss shouting and sacking people."

Fitness Centre: Out for a Run Back in 3 Hours

'Tah-DAH! -- Guess what I conquered!'

"Soul patch. What do you think?"

Nerd Day Was Always The Least Popular Part Of Fashion Week.

'I think I'm right for this job because I'm a real people person. Now, are you going to hire me or not? I don't have all freakin' day!'

A Thinking Man's Guide to the Tuxedo T-Shirt

Ask me about my thick neck.

Finally, a fanny-pack he could be proud of.

'I'm going for that scholarly look while I try to quit smoking. They're nicotine patches.'

"I'll take one in every color."

'Yeah, but I was a disgusting bum before it was fashionable to be a disgusting bum!'

"It doesn't mean anything. I just like how it looks."

Some exercise program - he power walks to snack machine!

'Excuse me, Miss, which floor would I find dull pullovers on?'

"It's hideous. Be sure to price it high enough that someone buys it."

'Grotesque!'

'Earl, your son has fallen in with the right crowd!'

Minimal Chic.