Ironically Stylish Pillows

"Dress is casual here. We don't pay our workers enough to buy suits."

'Gloria, I want you to meet my significant other.'

"If I'd known we'd be this long wandering the wilderness I would never have worn these heels."

I like this one. Do you have it in blue?

'I hate waking up with coffin hair.'

As Seen Watching TV

"I thought I put on my 'big boy' pants this morning but apparently they were my 'fire me' pants."

"Apparently 'the vest' is making a comeback..."

"Look at these old clothes, Dylan! You know, tie-dye HAS made a comeback!"

'I've taken my knowledge of science and math and applied them to fashion to produce a wardrobe that's guaranteed to malfunction to get you the most possible publicity.'

"Apparently, he's well over 100 now."

"We're thinking of having your nose pierced."

I've got a problem – with me. Counseling costs extra. I always hated BMW owners. But one day I woke up and realized I drive a Saab. People who vacation in the Hamptons give me hives, but I've got a summer spot in Santa Cruz. I protested against big corporate oil companies … wearing a North Face jacket and Nike high tops! Don't you realize what I've become? I'm an upwardly mobile hippy! Death to the huppy. Hates fancy coffee drinks, loves soy milk.

"You know Mike, you're so boring, you're interesting!"

Fitness Centre: Out for a Run Back in 3 Hours

VINYL HISS

"We were all given motivational videos at work today. All it shows is our boss shouting and sacking people."

Nerd Day Was Always The Least Popular Part Of Fashion Week.

"Soul patch. What do you think?"

'Tah-DAH! -- Guess what I conquered!'

"I'm afraid you've got subsidence."

'I think I'm right for this job because I'm a real people person. Now, are you going to hire me or not? I don't have all freakin' day!'

A Thinking Man's Guide to the Tuxedo T-Shirt

Ask me about my thick neck.

Finally, a fanny-pack he could be proud of.

'I'm going for that scholarly look while I try to quit smoking. They're nicotine patches.'

"I'll take one in every color."

Desert Island Delivery

Some exercise program - he power walks to snack machine!

'Yeah, but I was a disgusting bum before it was fashionable to be a disgusting bum!'

Men's Clothing. Shirts. Sale. Yes, sir, one size does fit all, but it's not that size.

'Excuse me, Miss, which floor would I find dull pullovers on?'

"It doesn't mean anything. I just like how it looks."

'Grotesque!'

'Earl, your son has fallen in with the right crowd!'