Ironically Charming T-Shirts

"You know Mike, you're so boring, you're interesting!"

"Look! No hands!"

'Of course I stretched first. That's how I hurt myself.'

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

Gardening Calendar: January - The Snow will be deep now...get out into the garden...

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

The Hammer

Madame ZuZu. Dream Interpretation. Tarot. Palms. She says the dream where I'm taking a test naked means I barely made it through school.

"You are still here."

Public footpath on a desert island.

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

'Where Are They Now?'

Anti-inflammation recipes

'You're a good man, Henderson, but you don't have your staff's respect.'

"I'll have dessert first."

Help! Send fishing tackle!

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

Infection Control Center. Now Hiring. I should have said "I'm not afraid of hard work" rather than "I don't mind getting my hands dirty."

"Fit the reality to our statistics!"

New anti-obesity cookbook.

'Looks like a love affair gone bad.'

Healthy Eating Casualties

"I was thinking of joining a parenting class."

"You complete me."

Thanksgiving Turkey Fortune: "Why the silence?"

'We have a strict dress code. Can't let you in without a straightjacket and tie.'

'I really felt at home there. The food was awful!'

"Telephone call for you, it's the Bank Manager."

InAction Figure, Couch Potato Man

'Gosh, he looks so peaceful lying there, I almost hate to wake him up and put him in the oven.'

"Just between you and me, he was a road kill."

"Bangin’ rims. Sears?"

I just bought a new Kindle Voyage. It's much better than my Kindle Paperwhite. Blasphemy, little buddy. A real man lugs around a paperback that he's milled from a fallen Redwood that he lifted off of a baby deer, before reuniting the fawn with its mother. I bought if off of Amazon. I didn't even use "one-click." I used the shopping cart and chose all the options manually. Almost as impressive. I keep it old-school.

'The car has power steering... but the driver doesn't!'