Ironic Realist Gifts

'You're not really into this 'looking for a job' thing, are you?'

'Sure I had the world on a string, sittin' on a rainbow, but my finger turned blue and my hemorrhoids were killing me!'

"So ... taking that nap during my performance review was a very bad idea."

"I DID give up drink for my New Year's resolution but I reckon it doesn't count as I was drunk when I made it."

A woman floats in the pool under the shade of an airplane

"You are being overly-defensive again, Brenda!"

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

"Admit it, we're lost."

"Of course it's not clean energy -- We don't have clean ANYTHING!"

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

Site of new Super Gamblers Anonymous.

'Goodbye, dear. This is the kind of day that makes you feel glad to be alive.'

"I hope someday someone steals my identity and makes something out of my life."

"Now then Mr Parker - are you relaxed?"

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

'You say you're having trouble seeing into the future'

"Alarmingly, after five minutes the pool had come no closer."

"I hacked into Santa's computer and discovered we're not on his naughty list. I feel we're letting our generation down."

"Put on a tie. We've been invited to the castle."

"We were poor and had the good sense to be miserable."

"Oh, can't complain, but I do."

"I belong to that heroic little band of unemployed on whom a healthy economy depends."

'I'm glad you're making friends, Darrel.'

"I suppose we could burst onto the literary scene."

Meet The Ghostwriter

Live Flower/Vase Flower - 'Julia?'

'You've cured my insufferable conceit, Doc -- now I'm perfect!'

"First destination: the recycling center to get rid of these cans."

'Experience is the wonderful knowledge that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.'

"So anyway, I found a worm on the path the other day and carried it to safety. Then I hear: 'Hey! I was heading the other way!"

'What do you mean, you're having second thoughts...?'