Ironic Realist Gifts

'You're not really into this 'looking for a job' thing, are you?'

'Sure I had the world on a string, sittin' on a rainbow, but my finger turned blue and my hemorrhoids were killing me!'

"So ... taking that nap during my performance review was a very bad idea."

"I DID give up drink for my New Year's resolution but I reckon it doesn't count as I was drunk when I made it."

A woman floats in the pool under the shade of an airplane

"You are being overly-defensive again, Brenda!"

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

"Admit it, we're lost."

"Of course it's not clean energy -- We don't have clean ANYTHING!"

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

'Goodbye, dear. This is the kind of day that makes you feel glad to be alive.'

"I hope someday someone steals my identity and makes something out of my life."

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

"Now then Mr Parker - are you relaxed?"

Site of new Super Gamblers Anonymous.

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

'You say you're having trouble seeing into the future'

"Oh, can't complain, but I do."

"Put on a tie. We've been invited to the castle."

"I belong to that heroic little band of unemployed on whom a healthy economy depends."

"Alarmingly, after five minutes the pool had come no closer."

"I hacked into Santa's computer and discovered we're not on his naughty list. I feel we're letting our generation down."

"I suppose we could burst onto the literary scene."

"We were poor and had the good sense to be miserable."

'I'm glad you're making friends, Darrel.'

Meet The Ghostwriter

Live Flower/Vase Flower - 'Julia?'

'You've cured my insufferable conceit, Doc -- now I'm perfect!'

"First destination: the recycling center to get rid of these cans."

'Experience is the wonderful knowledge that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.'

"I got the grant! I'm researching whether money can buy happiness."

Sunday School. Strange --- Apples were forbidden, but apparently fried foods were okay.