Ironic Gift Receivers Pillows

"It was heaven before this."

I didn't realize our pitch had such a lovely view...

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"It is my place!"

"Shouldn't have, you really."

'I'd be more impressed that you bought me flowers if you didn't take a job as a delivery boy to get the employee discount.'

"I can't afford to feed you."

The Penultimate Temptation of Christ

"Every Sunday, the same thing: we watch the ducks from Bow Bridge, I think about pushing you in, and then we go to that stupid Mexican place."

Fast Food Menus

"When I said I wanted a pet, I meant a dog."

An Anarchist's Christmas

Tunnel of Dove.

"Don't you ever miss the hustle and bustle of the old tar pits?"

"Baby's First Book of Retirement Planning...?"

'And you get this free.'

Vampire picking up his blood delivery (Type O, Type A, and Type B).

Dear Santa- Thanks for the awesome gift! p.s. did you know cellphones have built-in calculators? p.p.s. you suck.

"A birthday gift card? Really?"

Hand Sanitiser in the Middle of the Ocean

"That rat trap you sold me is no good. My husband hasn't been near it!"

She collected ceramic pigs. Only one so far, but even that was one too many.

Very rough-looking tattooed thug on his way to the 'Gentlemen'.

Seltzer paste.

Crap Stuff Shop.

Man with an umbrella hat looks at man with a hat umbrella.

"We were out of embalming fluid so we stuffed your wife with wild rice."

"Good evening madam. Would you like to donate your soul to a newly registered charity?"

"Well? Try them out!"

Do you know why the kitchen ceiling is dripping?

Jill and Ted fought to the point of complete exhaustion over the placement of, ironically, a wedding gift.

'Maybe he said store the wine horizontally...'

Ockham chooses a razor

"And when the time comes the company will put you to sleep at its own expense."

A homeless man sells t-shirts of himself.