Ironic Gift Receivers Gifts

"It was heaven before this."

I didn't realize our pitch had such a lovely view...

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"It is my place!"

"Shouldn't have, you really."

'I'd be more impressed that you bought me flowers if you didn't take a job as a delivery boy to get the employee discount.'

"I can't afford to feed you."

"Every Sunday, the same thing: we watch the ducks from Bow Bridge, I think about pushing you in, and then we go to that stupid Mexican place."

Fast Food Menus

The Penultimate Temptation of Christ

"When I said I wanted a pet, I meant a dog."

Tunnel of Dove.

"Don't you ever miss the hustle and bustle of the old tar pits?"

'And you get this free.'

Hand Sanitiser in the Middle of the Ocean

Vampire picking up his blood delivery (Type O, Type A, and Type B).

"A birthday gift card? Really?"

Dear Santa- Thanks for the awesome gift! p.s. did you know cellphones have built-in calculators? p.p.s. you suck.

"Baby's First Book of Retirement Planning...?"

"That rat trap you sold me is no good. My husband hasn't been near it!"

Do you know why the kitchen ceiling is dripping?

Jill and Ted fought to the point of complete exhaustion over the placement of, ironically, a wedding gift.

Crap Stuff Shop.

'Maybe he said store the wine horizontally...'

Ockham chooses a razor

"We were out of embalming fluid so we stuffed your wife with wild rice."

Seltzer paste.

"Good evening madam. Would you like to donate your soul to a newly registered charity?"

She collected ceramic pigs. Only one so far, but even that was one too many.

Very rough-looking tattooed thug on his way to the 'Gentlemen'.

Man with an umbrella hat looks at man with a hat umbrella.

"And when the time comes the company will put you to sleep at its own expense."

A homeless man sells t-shirts of himself.

"This bottle is defective - it stopped pouring!"

Eve reads sign: Try the new apple diet lose pounds instantly.