Curious Gift Receiver Gifts

'The web is a great educational tool for wine lovers. Right now, Jim is learning how much his brother spent on the bottle he gave for his birthday.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

Lactose Intolerant

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

God putting the finishing touches to the Pug.

Mighty Man Of Justice Goes Christmas Shopping Part 1

Cheeze Wiz.

E-vac-u-ate! E-vac-u-ate! . . . I've just farted. . ."

All bets are off as Round One begins in the "Dollars versus Donuts" World Championship title fight.

'Take my tip,sonny and say it with jelly babies.'

Ball as water-melon.

'Powdery stuff? Oh, that's egg substitute, from the Vegan lobby.'

"And at no extra charge I can give your old suit a Viking funeral."

A watch face with Stonehenge

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

Balloon dog poos.

Customer entering bank that is touting number of toasters given away

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

Where Deviled Eggs come from

That must be my computer date... (Answers door to robot).

Kissing the Fish

"It is my place!"

'Head down...eye on the ball...'

'I had no idea would be a choice.'

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

"Roadkill cookies"

Rent a Room With Hot Water

Santa's Helpers

'Six years ago you received a complimentary set of steak knives. You thought they were free didn't you Jimmy?...'

I'm worried about Uncle Mort. He's still in jail for refusing to reveal his secret source? Not just that. It's his relationship with Sadie. I feel like … What? She says she wants him back, but I'm not sure. Why would you say something like that? Your sweetie made you a saw with a cake in it. Oooh.

"Pass that."

'We may need to remove your spleen because it might not be doing whatever it is the spleen does.'