Iron Chef Wannabe T-Shirts

'Trying to eat her dinners is the only exercise I get.'

'As a surprise I thought I'd give the new cookbook a try tonight.'

"Still haven't quite figured out the pressure cooker, huh dad?"

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

"Dad fixed you a balanced breakfast - the runny eggs are balanced with burnt toast!"

'Hold on, Pepe!... The score is tied with less than a minute to go - and the losing team gets boiled.'

Dick's hobby of collecting manhole covers kept him out of trouble... except of the hernias.

'Maybe we shouldn't show how sausage and foie gras are made on the same day.'

Linda discovers she had just baked the wrong ziti

Boy baking a cake.

"Balanced Diet"

'Step 5. Call the Fire Department.'

Fast Nouvelle Cuisine.

French bread

"I want you to be well in life, son...."

'This soufle is hard.' - 'No it isn't, your teeth are soft.'

'Mom, I followed your time-honored legendary family recipe for Brussels Spout Bake with one exception - I substituted a pizza for the Brussels Sprouts.'

'Too much salt!'

'Just call me Delia...'

'I could beat these eggs a lot easier if it weren't for all the shells.'

Cook for 3 minutes stir, wait 30 years to discover if the contaminated ingredient gives you stomach cancer.

'This week, the secret ingredient on Iron chef is . . . Iron. Good luck, suckas.'

'I just need enough to send my Dad to cookery lessons!'

Beth realized she wasn't such a great cook the night she tried to make an apple pie. 'Wow! Now that is good meatloaf!'

I'll say one thing for that chef on TV...he really makes deboning a chicken look easy.

"I can't wait to go home and replace all your sports channels with cooking channels."

"Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom or night will stop Ed from overcooking the fish."

'Son, do you think I'm ready for my own cooking show?'

"We try to give him a realistic outlook on life."

Having a varied diet doesn't just mean all 12 varieties of 'kwiknoodles'.

"There's something wrong with your dinner."

"No, dear. This meal isn't undercooked, you just haven't burnt it, for a change."

"You don't have any cooking experience? We should be able to get you a job at a hospital cafeteria."

'Would you believe it the E.U. have put a cap on the numbers of celebrity chefs we can have!'