Chef-in-the-making T-Shirts

"So that's a three bird roast."

'As a surprise I thought I'd give the new cookbook a try tonight.'

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."

'Another neat trick is to cut regular spaghetti into little pieces, and next thing you know you've got yourself a bowl of spaghetti-i-s.'

'Does this thing get channel four.'

"Still haven't quite figured out the pressure cooker, huh dad?"

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

'Hold on, Pepe!... The score is tied with less than a minute to go - and the losing team gets boiled.'

"Dad fixed you a balanced breakfast - the runny eggs are balanced with burnt toast!"

Will work for Food Network.

'We're at an Italian restaurant this time, Kevin -- those are breadsticks, not giant-size chopsticks.'

'Maybe we shouldn't show how sausage and foie gras are made on the same day.'

'You can't have a drumstick because this is roast beef.'

Linda discovers she had just baked the wrong ziti

Boy baking a cake.

'Step 5. Call the Fire Department.'

French bread

"I want you to be well in life, son...."

Microwave confusion.

'This soufle is hard.' - 'No it isn't, your teeth are soft.'

'Mom, I followed your time-honored legendary family recipe for Brussels Spout Bake with one exception - I substituted a pizza for the Brussels Sprouts.'

'Mom, am I store-bought or homemade?'

'Too much salt!'

'I could beat these eggs a lot easier if it weren't for all the shells.'

Baker

'Just call me Delia...'

'I can't make dinner right now - I'm installing new software.'

'The vast potential of stem cells...and we use them to make a hamburger!'

'We were playing Doctor and I was sterilizing the gloves.'

Beth realized she wasn't such a great cook the night she tried to make an apple pie. 'Wow! Now that is good meatloaf!'

'Police. We have reason to believe you've been hacking into your neighbor's computers and stealing their recipes.'

Frittering a Banana by Electricity.

"I can't wait to go home and replace all your sports channels with cooking channels."

'It looks exactly like the picture in the recipe book except for the burnt bits.'